Jennifer Love Hewitt | Sue Baby Blogs

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Well right now I’m fighting a crick in my neck and an impending headache. I have one month left on eHarmony, only because I didn’t cancel it soon enough. So I figure why not make the most of it. One last strong try and if nothing comes of it then I know it’s a total bust… again! So I’ve been sitting here going through profiles and staring at a computer screen looking for hope.

I went to an art event last night by myself thinking maybe I would meet someone. I met 4 gay men and ran into some old friends. So not feeling real empowered by this. But I did go, and that’s progress. When I first moved here I would do that sort of thing all the time. It’s how I met so many people. So I guess I just need to keep plugging along.

Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I had thought that running might bring me into a new social group, but I’m a long way off from being one of those runners. Still, I don’t mind the scenery when we run at Wrightsville Beach. For now, I’m focusing on the exercise and weight loss fun of running and I know that I am getting confident again.

I don’t know when I lost my self-confidence about my body, but I did. I stopped feeling sexy and pretty. I just felt fat and gross. And I let myself stay in that place. I didn’t make any effort to change. To be honest I think I had started to feel that way before my last serious relationship started. Maybe that’s why I settled like I did. I didn’t think I could get any better.

And maybe that’s why I got back on eHarmony. I felt that it was a safer way to put myself out there. But enough is enough. My heart isn’t any fuller and my bank account isn’t either so wasting $30 a month cannot continue. But I guess I need to plow along. I have 70 some matches to sort through, and more come in every day. I archive 90% of them, you would think eHarmony would catch on and quit sending some of these.