Broken hearts, Bad days, and Sore muscles

Well this week has taken me on a rollercoaster ride.  After an amazing weekend at home with my parents, I returned refreshed and eager to take on the mess at home and at work.  Little did I know what the week had in store for me.

Work kicked off with a couple emails that just made me sick.  Not gonna get into details, but let’s just say there was nothing constructive about the criticism I received.  And now I’m walking on eggshells every day.  Threatening someone’s job is not a motivator, unless you want a fearful office.  But all that went out the window shortly after getting home.

Defective parts - Broken hearts - NARA - 535072

Defective parts - Broken hearts - NARA - 535072 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If you read my last blog, you know that my love life is a constant mess, and that soap opera drama seems to follow me.  Despite my best efforts to be laid back and relaxed, emotional people and crazy drama just happens.  Recently I had my heart broken, and it’s no one’s fault or someone being mean or hurtful.  Simply put, I had stronger feelings than they did and thankfully they didn’t string me along.  But the pain of that hasn’t healed, regardless of my best efforts to pretend it has.

This week, I tried a little too hard to ignore it, and it ended up biting me in the ass.  It’s hard to be happy sometimes.  Oh sure you smile, and your life could be much worse, and you tell yourself this.  But sometimes you just want to have a pity party and feel sorry for yourself.  And by Friday I was in full pity party mode.  What made the week and that so awful was that the one person I wanted to talk to about everything I was feeling, was the one friend I couldn’t talk to.

Flower and leaves of Lantana camara Français :...

Flower and leaves of Lantana camara Français : Fleurs et feuilles de Thé de gambie (Lantana camara) Português: Flores e folhas de Lantana camara (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So now that I’ve said everything and nothing about the week, I guess I should update you on my running.  Today, I’m nursing a sore IT Band, and the oh so fun headache that I just seem to get after every long distance run.  I had a gluten attack Saturday morning, so I had to cut my run early, and run the rest of the difference today.  Then today I got shat on by some small animal in a tree… reluctant to say it was a bird, because of what it looked like.  And apparently Lantana can cause contact dermatitis.  I used a leaf to clean off.  So my throat closed up and I broke out in hives on my arm.

All in all an awesome day, that is getting better.  No really, I am starting to feel better and I’m sitting at the wine shop with a great breeze and some good friends.  Sucking down crazy amounts of Powerade and water, before I let my self drink.  Which I really just need to avoid, but hey when in Rome

I’m feeling optimistic about the week ahead, but know that I need to focus on some things at home.  The laundry has gotten crazy and the kitchen needs a good top to bottom scrub.  But I feel better about my schedule this week.  And if all else fails, I can focus on my trip to DC this weekend to run my first 5K!

Hearts will heel, tomorrow is another day, and epsom salts are cheap.

The pain of being single

Image representing eHarmony as depicted in Cru...

Image via CrunchBase

Well right now I’m fighting a crick in my neck and an impending headache.  I have one month left on eHarmony, only because I didn’t cancel it soon enough.  So I figure why not make the most of it.  One last strong try and if nothing comes of it then I know it’s a total bust… again! So I’ve been sitting here going through profiles and staring at a computer screen looking for hope.

I went to an art event last night by myself thinking maybe I would meet someone.  I met 4 gay men and ran into some old friends.  So not feeling real empowered by this.  But I did go, and that’s progress.  When I first moved here I would do that sort of thing all the time.  It’s how I met so many people.  So I guess I just need to keep plugging along.

Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina

Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I had thought that running might bring me into a new social group, but I’m a long way off from being one of those runners.  Still, I don’t mind the scenery when we run at Wrightsville Beach.  For now, I’m focusing on the exercise and weight loss fun of running and I know that I am getting confident again.

I don’t know when I lost my self-confidence about my body, but I did.  I stopped feeling sexy and pretty.  I just felt fat and gross.  And I let myself stay in that place.  I didn’t make any effort to change.  To be honest I think I had started to feel that way before my last serious relationship started.  Maybe that’s why I settled like I did.  I didn’t think I could get any better.

And maybe that’s why I got back on eHarmony.  I felt that it was a safer way to put myself out there.  But enough is enough.  My heart isn’t any fuller and my bank account isn’t either so wasting $30 a month cannot continue.  But I guess I need to plow along.  I have 70 some matches to sort through, and more come in every day.  I archive 90% of them, you would think eHarmony would catch on and quit sending some of these.